Rugby season is now in full swing. Practices started in early February and we had our first game two weekends ago just before a very early spring break. This means that from right now we will be playing and practicing for the next 9 weeks straight. So far I think this team will be pretty good, but it is amazing how many new teams have popped up here in NM since I started coaching 6 years ago. There were only 5 teams then, and now there are 11 teams with more in the works for next year. Overall the level of competition has gone up too, which is always gratifying to see.
But every year about this time I begin my annual meditation about rugby - specifically why I do coach and what my relationship to the game is. There are certainly other things beside coaching I could spend my time doing, but still I find this a gratifying enough experience to continue. Which is funny because I have never self identified as being much of a sport guy at anytime in my life (even when I clearly was), so I always find it interesting that I am now a coach. What I realize is that while I enjoy coaching for many reasons, the one big reason is to be the type of coach that would remedy many of the problems I had with sports during my youth.
I was a pretty avid (and moderately good) soccer player for most of my childhood until about 8th grade when soccer went away as a sport. Also puberty was not kind to me, and I was an nonathletic, uncoordinated gawky kid for most of the formative years of competitive sport (lets call this 7th - 12th grade). I started playing basketball in 7th grade for reasons still very unclear to me. I never watched the sport and was a demonstrably terrible player. I played in the rural paradise of North Dakota, which had a very strong jock culture (sports were awesome and being smart kid really into school was definitely not). I was certainly in the pariah caste, and maybe my foray into sports was was my way of fighting back or trying to fit in. Either way it didn't work, and I still remember my stats for my first year of basketball. I maybe played 1-2 minutes per game and my season long point total was a whopping 2. The next year was only slightly better scoring a season high in the middle 20s. (The fact that I still vividly remember this means I certainly invested a lot of mental effort in these numbers). I also participated in track in 7th and 8th grade where I did shot put and discus - in other words where you put kids that had no discernible physical skills.
We moved to rural Nevada the next year, and still scarred from the overall bad experiences in NoDak, I sat out basketball in 9th grade, despite the fact that in such a small school (100 total kids 7-12, with 8 kids in my class) I would have played a lot regardless of my ability. Turns out when I did play the next year, I was pretty decent - probably a combination of my height and the overall low level of competition among these tiny schools and not because of any latent talent. I also participated in track and had a pretty fun time doing it too.
When we moved to Salt Lake at the start of 11th grade, I still self-identified as nerd so gave no thought to playing sports. However, I did try out for the basketball team and probably would have made it had I been willing to give up skiing (the coach required all the players to sign a contract they would not ski from November to March - screw that!). Considering our school had over 1500 kids attending, I consider this almost making the team as sort of a victory. I tried out for soccer too, but realized quickly my understanding and skill level at soccer was still at the AYSO level of 8th grade so had not hope of making the team. So at that point I decided to play rugby and the rest, as they say, is history. (For more on my rugby career check this out).
(As an aside: I give my father full credit for pushing sports when I was younger, and encouraging me to go out and stick with them - considering I wanted to quit all of these sports at one time or another. I didn't think sports were very important at the time, but it turns out that I was wrong. These were all important events for me in my life and made me who I am today. A gift that he gave me long ago that is still giving today. Thanks Dad!)
This long winded (and boring) history of my relationship to sport is probably the biggest reasons I still really enjoy coaching. Thinking back, I certainly had coaches in all these experiences and I remember many of them pretty well. And overall, I think most of my coaches were not particularly good for "athletes" like me (in particular I remember my 7th and 8th grade coaches as being mildly hostile toward me). I never felt like the coach was on my side, or that his job was to encourage participation and ensure that all players were enjoying themselves. Coaches see a different side of the tumultuous world of teenage society, and I think have a role to play in curbing the negative aspects of this culture. I think that had my coaches had a mind to do so, I might not have had such a negative relationship with sports that I spent a large part of my life overcoming.
But maybe these things are not the job of a coach? A bigger question is what actually the job of coach is? It is a pretty special role to play, being an authority figure for a lot of kids that are not teachers or parents. Kids do not have a choice about those authority figures, but they certainly choose to play rugby and the coaches that teach them.
So I see my role as coach as many faceted. I want to teach kids how to play rugby safely and to enjoy a game that has given me so much joy in my life. I want to give the kids an outlet and experience that could stay with them for the rest of their lives. I want them to have a healthy relationship to sports and nurture and develop them as athletes. I want to encourage kids to continue playing and being active after high school - whether playing rugby at the college or mens club level, or for that matter, any sport. Then there is the intangible and difficult goal of designing and maintaining the right atmosphere and team dynamic so that kids gain confidence, self respect, discipline, and camaraderie that comes along with playing with a properly functioning team. So for these many reasons, I coach.
Finally, considering all kids can do or not do with their time now days - vast sinks of time like the internet, XBox, Facebook, TV, etc.. - I think sports and team sports in particular have a role to play. My 13 year old self would be horrified to see me write this, but I do think that sports are important and, as such, coaches are the gate keepers. For reasons of individual character development, learning how to work with others, figuring out how fit into society, for the simple joy of playing a sport, and enjoying what your body can do while it is fleetingly young and fit. (As I drift closer to middle age and notice what my body can no longer do effortlessly, this last point becomes more obvious!)
But every year about this time I begin my annual meditation about rugby - specifically why I do coach and what my relationship to the game is. There are certainly other things beside coaching I could spend my time doing, but still I find this a gratifying enough experience to continue. Which is funny because I have never self identified as being much of a sport guy at anytime in my life (even when I clearly was), so I always find it interesting that I am now a coach. What I realize is that while I enjoy coaching for many reasons, the one big reason is to be the type of coach that would remedy many of the problems I had with sports during my youth.
I was a pretty avid (and moderately good) soccer player for most of my childhood until about 8th grade when soccer went away as a sport. Also puberty was not kind to me, and I was an nonathletic, uncoordinated gawky kid for most of the formative years of competitive sport (lets call this 7th - 12th grade). I started playing basketball in 7th grade for reasons still very unclear to me. I never watched the sport and was a demonstrably terrible player. I played in the rural paradise of North Dakota, which had a very strong jock culture (sports were awesome and being smart kid really into school was definitely not). I was certainly in the pariah caste, and maybe my foray into sports was was my way of fighting back or trying to fit in. Either way it didn't work, and I still remember my stats for my first year of basketball. I maybe played 1-2 minutes per game and my season long point total was a whopping 2. The next year was only slightly better scoring a season high in the middle 20s. (The fact that I still vividly remember this means I certainly invested a lot of mental effort in these numbers). I also participated in track in 7th and 8th grade where I did shot put and discus - in other words where you put kids that had no discernible physical skills.
We moved to rural Nevada the next year, and still scarred from the overall bad experiences in NoDak, I sat out basketball in 9th grade, despite the fact that in such a small school (100 total kids 7-12, with 8 kids in my class) I would have played a lot regardless of my ability. Turns out when I did play the next year, I was pretty decent - probably a combination of my height and the overall low level of competition among these tiny schools and not because of any latent talent. I also participated in track and had a pretty fun time doing it too.
When we moved to Salt Lake at the start of 11th grade, I still self-identified as nerd so gave no thought to playing sports. However, I did try out for the basketball team and probably would have made it had I been willing to give up skiing (the coach required all the players to sign a contract they would not ski from November to March - screw that!). Considering our school had over 1500 kids attending, I consider this almost making the team as sort of a victory. I tried out for soccer too, but realized quickly my understanding and skill level at soccer was still at the AYSO level of 8th grade so had not hope of making the team. So at that point I decided to play rugby and the rest, as they say, is history. (For more on my rugby career check this out).
(As an aside: I give my father full credit for pushing sports when I was younger, and encouraging me to go out and stick with them - considering I wanted to quit all of these sports at one time or another. I didn't think sports were very important at the time, but it turns out that I was wrong. These were all important events for me in my life and made me who I am today. A gift that he gave me long ago that is still giving today. Thanks Dad!)
This long winded (and boring) history of my relationship to sport is probably the biggest reasons I still really enjoy coaching. Thinking back, I certainly had coaches in all these experiences and I remember many of them pretty well. And overall, I think most of my coaches were not particularly good for "athletes" like me (in particular I remember my 7th and 8th grade coaches as being mildly hostile toward me). I never felt like the coach was on my side, or that his job was to encourage participation and ensure that all players were enjoying themselves. Coaches see a different side of the tumultuous world of teenage society, and I think have a role to play in curbing the negative aspects of this culture. I think that had my coaches had a mind to do so, I might not have had such a negative relationship with sports that I spent a large part of my life overcoming.
But maybe these things are not the job of a coach? A bigger question is what actually the job of coach is? It is a pretty special role to play, being an authority figure for a lot of kids that are not teachers or parents. Kids do not have a choice about those authority figures, but they certainly choose to play rugby and the coaches that teach them.
So I see my role as coach as many faceted. I want to teach kids how to play rugby safely and to enjoy a game that has given me so much joy in my life. I want to give the kids an outlet and experience that could stay with them for the rest of their lives. I want them to have a healthy relationship to sports and nurture and develop them as athletes. I want to encourage kids to continue playing and being active after high school - whether playing rugby at the college or mens club level, or for that matter, any sport. Then there is the intangible and difficult goal of designing and maintaining the right atmosphere and team dynamic so that kids gain confidence, self respect, discipline, and camaraderie that comes along with playing with a properly functioning team. So for these many reasons, I coach.
Finally, considering all kids can do or not do with their time now days - vast sinks of time like the internet, XBox, Facebook, TV, etc.. - I think sports and team sports in particular have a role to play. My 13 year old self would be horrified to see me write this, but I do think that sports are important and, as such, coaches are the gate keepers. For reasons of individual character development, learning how to work with others, figuring out how fit into society, for the simple joy of playing a sport, and enjoying what your body can do while it is fleetingly young and fit. (As I drift closer to middle age and notice what my body can no longer do effortlessly, this last point becomes more obvious!)
1 comment:
can i add something to the list that i see you doing when you coach? You model for boys what it means to be a good man - and a feminist -- and boys get so much thrown at them about masculinity and manhood, and about how to treat women, especially at the age you coach, that i think it really matters that they get to see other ways of being in the world from you and Ali.
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